Typically, I like Vox…

They often have informative, well-written pieces that go beyond the surface.  And I do not typically find myself defending or siding with Mike Pence.  However, I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around this particular scenario that has been blown up as I first saw in a Vox article today and then saw across virtually every major media outlet. (If you haven’t read the Vox article, now would be a great time to do so as everything else I say here will be based on it.)

I understand the desire for there to be equality in the workplace.  I also understand that women want equal access to a boss as a male counterpart.  Nobody should be held back in their career because of their gender.  What I don’t understand is how champions of women, whether male or female, would not celebrate a woman being held in high enough esteem by her husband that he makes sure there is not even a shred of doubt about his fidelity.

Rules like what Pence, albeit a long time ago, said he follows are set in place for the sole purpose of honoring his wife and ensuring that he is never in a situation that could compromise their relationship.  This is not about disrespecting an entire gender, this is about respecting a specific relationship and a specific woman.  I’ve heard many women complain about the lack of decent men out there.  I have many times heard someone say, “all men cheat” or lament about the sad reality of infidelity in relationships and marriages. I think the vast majority of us would admit that infidelity is destructive and that it has plagued a massive amount of marriages in the US.  None of us want to be the victims of it.  Yet rather than celebrate when a man takes a stand to honor his wife, we are now trying to criticize him or force him to change his behavior on the grounds that it is illegal?

So what is the real agenda here?  Is it workplace equality at all costs?  Or is the end game to promote relationships where spouses cherish, honor, and respect each other through faithfulness?  Are we willing to pursue workplace equality if it costs us marital equality?

Given that affairs are one of the most damaging, disrespectful, painful decisions we can make toward another person, I would think that men honoring their wives and being faithful in marriage would be one of the highest priorities for most women.  But perhaps I am wrong.  And if so, what is the real agenda here?  Is it workplace equality at all costs?  Or is the end game to promote equality and thus relationships where spouses cherish, honor, and respect each other through faithfulness?  Are we willing to pursue workplace equality if it costs us marital equality?

Sadly, given human nature, I’m not sure that we can always have both.  If we choose a lot of 1-on-1 time between boss and employee, dinners alone, or late nights at the office, we will likely lose marital fidelity.  So, at times, we may have to make decisions that others might not always like or understand in order to protect our marriages.  These choices are not reflective of an overarching fear or contempt for the opposite gender.  They are not in any way because women are seen as not equal professionally or that they are only temptresses.  That is a complete distortion of the intentions that I have witnessed behind decisions like these.  The only thing one can accurately infer from a decision such as Pence’s is that he doesn’t trust himself to always make the right decision and he wants to eliminate any chance for a mistake.  He loves his wife enough to inconvenience himself and go to the extra effort of making sure someone else is always present so he is never able to make a crucial mistake.

Furthermore, as the article states, these situations can, and do, occur both ways.  I know some women who also choose to never be in private, 1-on-1, with a man that is not their husband.  In this case, would we also argue that the women are only doing this because they see men as unworthy, as nothing more than tempters, or that they are trying to hold men down, as we are seeing with Pence?  Or are we jumping to conclusions and projecting a different narrative onto this story than what is really at play?

Maybe it’s just me, but as someone who has experienced the pain of infidelity, I understand and commend Pence’s choices.  I think that being faithful, especially in a “me first” age when affairs are more common than not, is one of the greatest ways you can honor someone.  So while I still don’t agree with much of what he says or does, kudos to you, Mike Pence, for choosing to honor and remain faithful to your spouse.